HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO HELP YOU
Dale Carnegie, the author of the influential book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” provided several principles and tips on how to get people to help you willingly. Here are some key ideas from Carnegie’s teachings on this topic:
1. Begin with praise and appreciation: Carnegie emphasized the importance of making people feel important and appreciated. Start by sincerely complimenting or praising the person you want help from, focusing on their admirable qualities or achievements.
2. Show a genuine interest in others: People are more likely to help those who show a sincere interest in them. Ask questions about their interests, experiences, and perspectives, and listen attentively to their responses.
3. Appeal to their self-interest: Explain how helping you can also benefit the other person in some way. People are more inclined to assist when they can see a personal gain or advantage for themselves.
4. Use the power of suggestion: Instead of directly asking for help, Carnegie suggested subtly implying or suggesting what you need without making a direct demand. This can be more effective than outright asking for favors.
5. Make the person feel important: People enjoy feeling valued and important. Explain how their expertise, knowledge, or skills would be particularly useful in helping you with your task or problem.
6. Let the other person feel it’s their idea: Carnegie advised letting the other person feel that the idea of helping you was their own. This can be achieved by subtly guiding the conversation in that direction without directly asking for assistance.
7. Be a good listener: Actively listen to the other person’s thoughts, concerns, and objections. Address their reservations and make them feel heard and understood.
8. Express gratitude: If someone helps you, be sure to express genuine gratitude and appreciation for their assistance. This reinforces positive feelings and makes them more likely to help you again in the future.
Ultimately, Carnegie’s approach to getting people to help you rests on making them feel genuinely valued, appreciated, and that your request aligns with their own interests. By employing tactics like sincere praise, active listening, appealing to their sense of importance, and allowing them to arrive at the idea of helping as their own, you create a situation where assisting you becomes an implicitly rewarding act for the other person. They feel good about themselves, their self-worth is reinforced, and they can envision a personal upside to lending a hand. In this way, the principles laid out by Carnegie aren’t simply manipulative ploys, but a framework for cultivating real connection, mutual understanding, and the type of goodwill that makes people want to support one another’s endeavors.
